


Blankets and Pillows

by Obsessiveangel



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, fluffy fluff fluff, with sprinkles of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 22:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9627398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessiveangel/pseuds/Obsessiveangel
Summary: During one of his sleepless nights, Ayato accidentally woke Hinami up and they share a sweet heartfelt conversation. This will kill you with Ayahina feels... hopefully.





	

Even though he couldn’t fall asleep, Ayato was trying his hardest not to toss and turn in bed like he always had been doing lately. The past few nights had been sleepless for him and it was strange. It’s not like he had never been like that before. In fact, it was a common occurrence. But normally, there would be a  _reason_. And when he lay in bed with no nightmares and depressing thoughts plaguing his mind, he found himself intrigued and confused. Seriously, just why was he having so much trouble falling asleep even though he was fucking exhausted? 

Normally, he’d move about, blink his eyes, fluff his pillows, mumble under his breath about just how fucking shitty the situation was and basically waste precious sleeptime doing anything to try and  _somehow_  just fall asleep until he would doze off into a restless nap that usually only lasted ten minutes. But at least that was  _something_. Something better than laying in bed so still to the point that it didn’t happen. 

He wondered just what kind of stupid logic his mind had conjured up to ask Hinami to spend the night with him. 

_Maybe if I got someone to sleep by my side, it’ll be better. Yeah right. What a load of bullshit._

Because the thing keeping him from all that was the fact that he had her lying in his arms, completely fast asleep. He didn’t know what exactly it took to wake her up— maybe she’d be fine with his tossing and turning— but if experience told him anything, it was that being in Aogiri meant that you couldn’t risk sleeping too deeply. One always needed to be alert even when asleep— it was a habit that stuck with him and it probably stuck with her as well. 

But that being said, the habit was to sleep lightly, not stay awake for the whole fucking night. 

“What the fuck?” he muttered softly, nestling his face deeper into Hinami’s hair. The scent of oats and honey (or whatever her shampoo had in it) wafted about him and Ayato wondered if she took a shower right before she went to bed. From the way she smell, it sure seemed like it. And as his mind pondered over that, he started noticing other bits of her he never actually realized. Like the face that Hinami was really warm and the fact that her body was much softer than he thought it was. 

In fact, wasn’t she really small and thin at some point in time? When was that again? Oh, right, back in the start. But seriously, when did this change happen? 

He glanced down at her. Yeah, it seemed like she did put on some weight ever since the time they met but Ayato knew all of that was accorded to growing up. Hinami no longer had the body of a little girl. But if he had to be honest, she grew up a little... too well. 

Ayato shook his head slightly, pulling himself away from wherever his mind was starting to head towards. No way in fucking hell was he gonna start getting creepy and weird thoughts popping up in his mind. Things would only get more annoying if something else starts popping up. 

“Fuck!” he cursed out loud, rolling over to lie on his back with a hard slam of his head onto the pillow.  _Sleep sleep sleep._ But no. It seemed like he and his sleep seemed to have formed some kind of antagonistic relationship and now he’s on the receiving end of a severe cold shoulder. 

But that aside, Ayato realized he was in a predicament. His sudden rough movements and loud voice seemed to have woken Hinami, who sat up partially, with one hand supporting her leaning body and another rubbing her eyes. 

“Ayato? What time is it?” she mumbled. 

Ayato groaned slightly before rolling over to the other side to take a glance at his phone. “It’s 3,” he said flatly. He stayed in that position, fiddling with his phone for a moment. Though he wasn’t sure why since it wasn’t like he had anything to do on it. 

“Why are you so—” she yawned and Ayato could feel her shifting about— “awake at 3 in the morning?” 

“Can’t sleep,” he murmured. 

“Did you have a dream or something?” she asked. 

“No.”

“Really?”

“I need to sleep first before I can dream,” he muttered bitterly, rolling over to his other side so he was completely facing her. Hinami remained seated, her legs crossed. 

“Then?”

“Dunno. I couldn’t sleep,” he replied plainly. 

“You have been looking a little tired lately,” Hinami noted. “Is the place... too uncomfortable?” 

 _Uncomfortable?_  Ayato pondered over Hinami’s words as he nestled into the pillow. Uncomfortable wasn’t really the word he’d use to describe the place. If anything, it was maybe a little too comfortable. The pillow was soft and puffy, the kind which sinks in and partly envelops you when you lie on it. The blanket was thick and smooth, the likes of which you can wrap yourself in and never want to come out off. The mattress wasn’t too hard nor was it too firm. The room was warm and welcoming, even despite to cold winter night. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was  _too comfortable._

In Aogiri, there barely was any beds and even if there was, they were really shitty and worthless. Any kind of furniture used were mostly taken from the trash, found abandoned somewhere or stolen from victims’ houses. Ayato never really bothered about them, to be honest. He’d usually just crash on the couch, or snuggle up in some corner of the hideout. No one usually paid any mind to the pathetic manners he went to sleep, particularly because everyone went through the same thing. He had a brief memory of Hinami in her early days, struggling to go to sleep, until Ayato got so sick of watching it, he had gone and stolen a bed. He could have done it for himself, but he never bothered to. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve had a proper bed to sleep in,” he murmured, glancing up at Hinami. 

“You just need to get used to it,” she replied. “Ayato-kun always falls asleep in weird places in Aogiri.” 

“No I don’t.” 

“You dozed off on the roof so many times,” she pointed out with a soft laugh. Hinami lay down beside him, shifting her body as close to his as possible. Her hands clasped his and her eyes met his. “Give it time.” 

“It feels weird,” he murmured and Hinami giggled again. She lifted her head slightly and reached over to pull the blanket over both of their bodies, before she snuggled close to him again. 

“It’s warm and nice, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah.” 

Hinami looked up and she raised her hand to press it against his cheek, lightly stroking it. “I’m sure one day, Ayato-kun will remember what it’s like to live a happy life.” 

“Do you?” 

“Me?” Hinami’s voice showcased her surprise and at her slight grimace, Ayato knew what her answer was going to be. She remembered, which was why she was always hurting more than him and why she had to force herself to smile more than he had to ever do so. Hinami knew what it meant to be happy which made her sadness all the more depressing. But Ayato couldn’t remember, not when all his joy was stolen from him at such a young age. 

“I remember and I miss it a lot. I can never go back to what I used to have. I can never be as happy as I was back when my parents were alive,” she murmured. She took a deep breath, before smiling widely at him. “But I feel things are getting better now, since I have everyone here with me now. So even if I can’t get that happiness back, I’d fine something new!”

She was beaming and her eyes were sparkling. Her entire presence was radiating a certain brightness that he knew he could never have. Hinami was loved, far more than he ever was. Even in the darkest of times, she remained the pure, innocent girl who could simply cheer everyone up just by being there. She was the complete opposite of him and it was strange, because they both came from broken and terrible backgrounds. But Hinami was so much better of a person than he was. She was never tainted by darkness like he was. She was never consumed by rage. She was never driven by power. She was never overwhelmed by her pride and ego. 

“You’re too precious,” he whispered and Hinami frowned, probably wondering what suddenly brought those words out. Ayato leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers and snaking his arms around her body. He longed for her so badly— to always have her in his life, to always be by her side and to always be able to hold her. But he knew all his desires were merely wishful thinking. There was no way he could have her the way he wanted. There was always that barrier between them, one he’d never be able to climb over. 

“Ayato-kun, what’s wrong?” Hinami asked, her voice tinged with a sudden bout of urgentness. He stared at her for a moment, his face hovering over hers merely inches apart. 

“I can’t... I can’t be the right person for you... This... Everything... None of it is me. I can’t live the way you do. These blankets, pillows, bed and warmth— everything— is not me. I can’t live like this. It’ll drive me crazy.” 

Hinami blinked at him, her mouth slowly stretching into a smile, before bouts of giggles escaped from between her thin, pink lips. Ayato stared at her for a long moment, taken aback from the strange reaction, words failing him.

“Ayato-kun, you remind me of a typical romance novel love interest,” she laughed. “You know... the usual bad boy kind of stories?” 

Ayato narrowed his eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about but I’m not exactly fond of being compared to a character from a book... A novel character at that.” 

“But it’s true,” Hinami replied, chuckling as she reached over to pinch his cheeks lightly. “Ayato-kun is so cute. You think I’m some kind of goddess to worship but I’m not.” 

“I-I don’t...” he murmured, pulling her hands off his cheeks. “We’re just... too different.” 

“You know, when I joined Aogiri, I thought that my life was going nowhere. I felt like there was nothing for me to live for. But then I met you, Ayato-kun, and I started feeling better. When my life was at it’s darkest, Ayato-kun was my light,” she replied. She reached over to wind her arms around her neck, pulling him to her. Their foreheads met as they stared into each other’s eyes— Hinami’s sparkling is amusement and happiness and Ayato’s in disbelief and doubt. 

“N-No... I...” Words were failing him again and all he could do was stare at Hinami as her words played over and over in her mind. “I... didn’t do anything.”

“Ayato-kun has protected me, supported me and cared for me at a time when I felt that I was alone. You’ve done more for me than I have for you,” she whispered, tilting her head slightly so that their lips could meet again. “The Ayato-kun who left Aogiri for me, broke into Cochlea for me and almost died for me— I think I am in love with him.” 

Ayato blinked as she continued smiling at him. He knew she was waiting for a response, but he had no idea what he should say in response. His throat was dry. His stomach was churning. His heart was racing. His mind kept fretting over that one particular word. No way she said that. He must have been imagining it, right? 

“How...” he murmured. He wanted to slap himself for that response. He was sure he looked more dejected than happy and his voice sounded like he had just been dumped with the worst news on earth. Hinami sighed a little, visibly upset from the reaction she had gotten, though he could tell she hadn’t expected anything else. 

“I... love you,” she said softly. Her voice was weaker this time, more unsure. Her smile was still plastered on her face, but it was wavering and along with it, her hope. “I think... I mean, I know you probably don’t feel the same way.”

“No, that’s—”

“You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself,” Hinami said. “That’s what I think, at least. If you don’t love yourself and you don’t care about yourself, then you’re worrying those around you. And if that doesn’t bother you, then, do you care about them as much as you think you do?” 

Hinami was speaking to him, yet Ayato knew that her words weren’t directed merely at him. Their lives were so full of people who cared about others more than themselves and all that ever brought was pain upon pain, suffering upon suffering and tragedy upon tragedy. 

Even in his life, hadn’t it always been the same— his mother, his father and even him. Everyone lived for others and in the end, it ended up hurting the very people they were trying to protect. 

_If mother hadn’t stayed behind to buy time, we’d either survive or die as a family and we didn’t have to live with the pain of losing her. If father hadn’t left us alone every night to try and get stronger, he wouldn’t have been taken away from us and we wouldn’t have been alone. If I hadn’t left Touka, I would never have had to hurt her._

“I... want to love you,” he whispered, cupping her face with his hands. “Hinami is so precious to me. I want you to always be with me. I want to always be able to hold you. I just want to be by your side.” 

The time was 3.30 am and Ayato was still awake. It was unlikely he was going to fall asleep that night and the night that followed immediately after. The place was still the same— the blankets and pillows far too comfortable. He had no idea if he’d ever truly get used to them. He had no idea if he’d ever get used to having Hinami beside him either. It wasn’t a bad kind of change. It was good. When you’re so deeply lost in dark, you’d grasp even at the tiniest, most unimportant spark of light. Even a small good seemed like a huge thing. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love ayahina. ;_;


End file.
